Our pastor gave a sermon a few weeks ago about Rejoicing, we were in Philippians, and we go to the oh-so-famous verse, Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice (4:4).
It became a running joke in our house every time one of us complained about something, we would remind the other that they should rejoice in the Lord, it was normally followed by a smirk and rolling of the eyes =)
But seriously, it's changed my life in the last month. I think I know one person who reads my blog, but we found out on May 4th that we had lost our baby at 12 weeks. It's been harder than I could ever have imagined. Just figuring out how I feel is exhausting, let alone dealing with my totally screwed up hormones, and how other people feel. I think that I didn't really even allow myself to grieve until the last week. Some might think of miscarrying as the end of a pregnancy, but it's so much more than that. It was our baby! We lost our child, and maybe we hadn't held that baby yet or named him or her, but he was our first child, and we'll never forget that.
But overall, I've been able to dig deep inside and still rejoice in Lord. Even when it's hard, I have been able to grasp at the reality that God lost his only child too. We always say that God always knows how we feel because Jesus was human and experienced the fallen world, just like we do. But it really is true, God has experienced it all, he loves us so much that he put himself through everything that we are going to experience in our lives, it might not be exactly as we picture the situation-but if you look hard enough it's obvious.
So in this truth, I can rejoice. And it's still hard to see pregnant mom's doing all of the things I should be doing. But I rejoice in the life that God has given that child, and the gift he's given the parents. And I pray for every pregnant woman I know that she would never have to experience the pain that comes with losing a child. And I pray for those who have lost a child previously, that there joy would not be robbed from them with the memories of the past, but that they would rejoice in the Lord, always!
a happy couple living in the whirlwind they call life
2 comments:
I know it can't help much to know that we hurt for you, but we do. And I am so glad God is healing your heart. Love you!
Beautiful, Erin! It's not easy to rejoice when we hurt so badly, but apparently God has a reason for that command. I always wondered if a "sacrifice of praise" was exactly what you've been talking about. It's a sacrifice to praise God when we are hurting. I love you, Erin, and continue to pray for your hurting heart, and empty arms.
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